Now that I’ve rediscovered my blog, I’ve realized I’ve not written about Hud. I guess I was too busy experiencing motherhood and loving every second of it. Hudson Neal is the absolute best thing to ever happen to me. He has the most contagious smile/giggle and is so friendly toward everyone he meets. He is 16 months old with 6 tiny teeth and says more and more every day. He surprises me constantly with how smart he is.
Becoming a mom has truly changed me. It’s led me to be more patient, caring and just really opened up my heart to its full potential of loving. It isn’t easy, by any means. There have been countless sleepless nights full of tears (his and mine) and prayers for strength and patience. There have been times I’ve wondered if I am doing the best I can and whether or not I deserve such a wonderful son.
It’s easy to doubt yourself, especially as a mom. These days Instagram is full of gorgeous pictures of mothers who seem to have it all together with five kids in tow and it just baffles me. In my times of worry though, I sit back and think of my son.
He is head over heels for his mommy. When I get home from work he runs as fast as he can to me. If I’m doing dishes, he comes up behind me and hugs my legs. He blows me kisses and smiles the sweetest smile while waving at me just because he wants to say hi.
Hudson makes leaving home hard and coming home something I look forward to. I miss him when I’m gone and I’d rather spend every second of every day with him, than anywhere else.
Through the toughness of this past week, Hudson has been my beacon in the darkness. He is so unaware of what’s happened, it’s refreshing to just be around such a happy, incredible baby. In my times of doubt and depression, I know the God has a plan for us and though I mourn my beloved angel baby, Hudson is proof that God has not forsaken me.