It’s a known fact that your whole life changes when you have a baby. Your time is no longer your own and you’re now responsible for someone other than yourself. Transitioning into parenthood can be challenging yet so fulfilling. I’ve been a mom for almost 4 years now and those years have absolutely flown by. You don’t even realize the differences that a year can make until you actually sit down and think about them.
There once was a time where my days off were spent lying on the couch, watching the ID channel and making sure dinner was ready for Zack when he got home (I’d usually make a new Pinterest recipe to try and I always made dessert too). My hair and makeup were always done before going out shopping to multiple stores in a day and meeting friends for lunch in Charlotte. I’d typically come home and throw our one weekly load of laundry in the washer and call it a day on the chores.
On weekends, we would stay in bed all day binging Breaking Bad or The Office and eat Chinese in bed for dinner. Other weekends would be full of hard apple cider tasting at the orchard or movies, shopping and dinner and drinks with friends. We didn’t care what time we got home, nor did we have to worry about getting up early. We were on our own clocks.
Back in those days, I had countless friends I could rely on, even if it was to just send a selfie before I posted it to make sure it was good (I CANNOT believe I did that!). I’d send photos of my meal at Hickory Tavern or Longhorn to my friend Ashley, because we have a similar obsession with honey mustard. We’d plan trips down to Florida or trips to Charlotte for my friends and would make sure they were jam packed with activities.
I used to spend my money on the best clothes and jewelry and would get my hair done as often as I could. Zack and I went to concerts all the time at PNC and we could go out of town for a weekend to snowboard at Sugar Mountain at the drop of a hat.
There once was a time where I got plenty of sleep but still thought I was tired. A time where I would get annoyed at children having a fit in a restaurant and would say “I’ll never let my kids play on my phone at dinner” like the naive 21-year-old I was.
Fast forward to now. We’re old. We have two kids. I no longer have the luxury of sitting on the couch all day watching murder shows because I have 18 loads of laundry to do and little eyes and ears that are watching those murder shows and asking too many questions. Dinner is RARELY made for Zack when he gets home from work, and if it is, it’s bbq pulled chicken and baked beans… but usually we’re at Sonny’s or Fat Boys or Wolfys for the evening meal.
On the weekends that I’m not working, I am waking up early to feed and entertain Ella Kate while Zack and Hudson snooze and if I get a second to myself, I’m putting laundry away and doing dishes. We’ve been to one movie this year. Dinners with friends are few and far between and we haven’t had a long night out in ages!
The times have changed! I’m not able to focus solely on myself and my relationship now, because I have to focus on keeping two cute little humans alive, fed, clothed, bathed and entertained. I plan my days around their schedules- if I’m making plans, it’ll be after Ella Kate’s morning nap and before Hudson’s afternoon nap (if he even takes one). I also have to actually pay attention to the weather because God forbid it rains on Hudson and his clothes get wet.
My money is now spent on diapers, formula, Freshly Picked moccs (oops), Disney, Zoo and Glazer’s passes and toys. My wardrobe consists of leggings and oversized tees while my kids have the best clothes possible and Ella Kate has every headband imaginable. The only times we really go out of town are for Charlotte trips to visit family and we haven’t been to a concert together in, like, 4 years.
I haven’t had a full night of sleep in 8 months. 8 months. 8 months. Let that sink in. I work 12 hour shifts on limited sleep and I’ve no idea how I haven’t completely lost my mind yet! Hudson occasionally plays on my phone when we’re eating out and, shocker, I don’t care.
When we moved back to Ocala, I stupidly assumed I would pick up where I left off with my old friends. Sadly, a lot of my friends don’t have kids and aren’t married so we’re on different pages. Obviously most of my time is spent with my kids so plans aren’t made too often but when they are I so enjoy the time I get to catch up and cry laughing with my crazy friends.
A long time ago, I didn’t know what it was like to truly love unconditionally. To put others ahead of myself every day. I used to focus so much on how I could look better and make people like me that I lost sight of the important things. It wasn’t until having Hudson that I was able to take a step back and see that this is what I’m meant to do. I was meant to be a mom. It’s okay that dinner isn’t ready every night and I’m fine with losing some sleep because I know that these midnight feedings and snuggles will soon be replaced with a toddler who sleeps all night.
I feel like it’s so easy to look back at yourself from 7 years ago and think of yourself as that person. That young, carefree 21-year-old who made everyone laugh and who had so many friends who loved spending time with you. Then you revert back to today and you’re 28 with a husband and two kids, living in your hometown but with less friends and less invitations because the days seem long while you’re living them, but you change with every second that goes by.
Your friends may not be on the same page as you, and that’s okay. They may still be up late partying while you’re cleaning spit up off your jammies after nursing your newborn with your eyes half open and your contacts drying out while your husband is snoring next to you. Your sink is always full of bottles and the laundry is never-ending. But those bottles and those dirty clothes mean so much to me. I’m not saying I love doing the dishes and 80 loads of laundry, but the fact that I get to means so much.
Some people may miss the ease of the old days. Being able to wake up whenever you want and grab breakfast and then go back home to lay around all day. To be honest, sometimes I do! But my life has so much more meaning now. I have a purpose and a need to be the best I can be for my kids.
The times are changing, kids are growing and were sprouting more and more grey hairs and I wouldn’t change one thing about the current stage of life I’m in. I’m so thankful for the memories of my early twenties and I’m so in love with the memories I’m making in my late twenties with my husband and two minis.
If you’re blessed to be a mom, whether you already are or are pregnant or planning to get pregnant or adopt- whatever! Enjoy it! It’s hard, it sucks sometimes and lord knows it can wear you down. But it is the most fulfilling thing you’ll ever do, I promise. Through all the difficult changes and sleepless nights, I’ve truly never been happier.
Xx Liv
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